so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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