I skipped work to stalk him.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
