i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
