Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
