Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
