i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
