so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
