Nicole vs. Life
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
