That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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