I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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