Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
