im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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