We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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