So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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