I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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