could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
