you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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