I got chris browned last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
