Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
