If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
