I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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