I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
