i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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