Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
