that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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