thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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