I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
