Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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