Someone shit on the floor
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
