Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
