I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
