My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bring me that man meat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize