Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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