I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
