Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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