Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize