My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
