Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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