that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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