that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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