Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
