so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
