I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
