fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
