I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
