I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
