He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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