the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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