I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
