Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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