I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
