Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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