There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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