If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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