my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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