I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
