So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
