i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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