Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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