the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
