I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was born a porn star she said
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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