oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
