And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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