Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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