um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
