Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
