I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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